Learning to say no, Even better at saying yes!

by Karen Rae in , ,

As women, we are taught with constant reinforcement of our value

being in goodness,

in unconditional giving and

being nice.

We are especially rewarded for saying YES.


Yes, I can do it.

Yes, I will put my own needs aside to take care of that.

Yes, I will get more done in one day than is humanly possible and

I won't let anyone down in the process.

Yes, I will do all this with patience and a smile on my face.


When I take time to think consciously

about my own difficulties of over giving words like;

self sacrifice, depletion, and

diminishment come to mind.

You know,

when too frequently

saying YES,

at times when what we really want and need is to say NO?


We receive this conditioning early on,

and it's frequently repeated throughout our lives,

even though we know from childhood development studies

how important it is for a two year old's self esteem to

learn to say NO and be taken seriously.


To boot, the dramatic increase in technology has made saying no

exponentially more difficult.

Not only do our emails and phones "need" our constant attention.

We receive a mounting volume of information

through the media about

what we should look like, how we should behave and

who we should be.


We are inundated with what we should say YES to.


Here's the question:

How do we prioritize both our own needs

and the needs of others, in order to

breathe more freely and

feel more present, whole and alive?

How do we say no when necessary,

with clarity and follow through?

And how do we shape our yes's to

really be YES's

from our whole heart?


For me, growth lies in

self care and truly listening

to my own discerning voice.

Though, I know this is not a place of arrival.


It is a process,

requiring cultivation of new habits by

paying attention to the sometimes

simplest of choices,

in the briefest of moments.


I am taking deep inventory of the quality of my yes's and no's,

learning to align them towards being truthful and genuine.

And, I am inserting myself back into the equation of

nourishing the needs of the world.


YES, that means nourishing myself.


Through neither pushing or pulling the weight of it all myself,

I can let go of the constriction of either/or and black/white thinking.


This is the place I remember of thriving;

a space of middle ground.

Thriving in an environment of both/and where I find

flexibility and new awareness in the changing winds.

Here I find the

quiet grace and courage

to know my life is worth it.


We are ALL worth this.


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